We all have noticed this trend - the trend towards helping people have higher self esteem. I will venture to say that the quest to feel better about ourselves began before many of us were even born. Almost 50 years ago, perhaps earlier than that.
Some time in the 1960's, the term 'self esteem' was coined in the field of psychology. It was generally defined as 'personal worthiness.' The year I was born, 1969, Canadian psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden defined self esteem as 'the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness.' [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem]
Sounds innocent enough, right?
I mean, who wouldn't want to feel better about themselves? Who wouldn't want to find better ways of coping with life? Who doesn't want to be happy?
Somewhere down the line, someone came up with the brilliant idea that if we start 'building' peoples' self esteem that that will help people make better decisions. That will help people cope better with the challenges of life. That will help people treat one another better. Have more compassion on others.
So it was right around the 60's when people in this country-their collective mindsets-started to change...towards everything. Towards leadership. Towards authority figures. Towards biblical, ethical and moral landmarks. Even towards themselves...
(It seems like the building up of one's 'self esteem' has actually made people MORE focused on SELF, more selfish, and LESS compassionate!
And as far as the effect of taking the 'high self esteem pill,' folks treat one another worse than they EVER have in the history of this country. Everybody has 'high self esteem; but no one gives a care about no one, either!)
What do we base self esteem upon anyways?
Self esteem is based upon the following factors:
- Career/Job - What kind of job do you have? How do you feel about what you do? How do others view your job?
- Success Meter - Do you feel you are successful in life?
- Body/Self Image - How do you view yourself?
- Strengths/Weaknesses - What are yours?
- Comparison - How do you view yourself compared to others?
- Social Status/Classism - Where are you in life? How does your lot in life make you feel?
- Social Skills - How do you relate to others?
- Good Decisions - Are you able to make good decisions?
I see one prevailing factor in all of these components of (high) self esteem: SELF!
What's wrong with this?
I can say in the past 10 years or so - maybe a little bit longer - I have noticed this trend towards building high self esteem in others in the organized church system.
I remember when I was in church, being trained and 'groomed' for ministry, so to speak, I was taught, encouraged, to 'fix myself up.' I always dressed humdrum, plain, no big hats, spike heels, or church suits here! It just was not my style.
But because I was always the compliant, obedient type, so I did it. I was 'made over' to look like 'a woman of God.'
I want you to note that all the emphasis was placed on how I looked on the outside. It was concluded that if I changed the outside first, that somehow that would make me feel 'better' about myself on the inside.
(It was also concluded that because I didn't 'dress the part' that meant that I had 'low' self esteem.)
Personally speaking, I saw no problem with how I viewed myself. I never considered myself as one with 'low self esteem.' But I also never considered myself as having 'high self esteem' as well. I just could never get with the whole trend of 'getting high self esteem.' It all seemed rather VAIN to me.
When I look at all the criteria that is used to determine whether one has high self esteem or not, it is ALL based upon temporary criteria. It is all based upon things that happens in THIS life. It actually can fall into the (YES) category of sin the Word calls in 1 John 2:16 THE PRIDE OF LIFE.
Ah, you see, having 'high self esteem,' 'swag,' being a 'diva' ALL falls into the whole PRIDE OF LIFE thing. WHAT exactly IS the PRIDE OF LIFE?
It is the whole focus of people on living the best life NOW. It is the whole 'me-centered, what about my happiness, I want my destiny' mindset that permeates society more and more with each passing day.
The Pride of Life is that thing in YOU that drives you, pushes you, to be overly ambitious, competitive, willing to step over (and ON) any and everyone to get to the top.
The so called prosperity message is steeped in THE PRIDE OF LIFE. It is self seeking, prideful, driven, competitive, lacking compassion, selfish, diabolical.
But to get back to my own 'acceptance' of my lot in life...and lack of a struggle on the low self esteem/high self esteem seesaw, I didn't have low OR high self esteem. I would say it was a healthy, sober self esteem that GOD gave me.
The body image issues that other women seemed to struggle with I didn't have - not after having gained a significant amount of weight over a 20 year period. Not after many significant what others may call 'life failures.' Not after ministry failures, or natural disasters, or family problems....or two divorces.
You see, a healthy, sober self esteem recognizes where you TRULY are, who you TRULY are and is comfortable and fine with that. You realize that your self worth is not determined by ANYTHING in the natural, but by your 'relationship status' with the ONLY one who TRULY matters in your life...with GOD!
Over time, after having seen God work on my behalf and that of my family - over and over again - I developed a TRUST, a STRONG FAITH in God....knowing that no matter what came my way, that GOD WAS and IS IN CONTROL. And HE has us!
When I look at all the criteria that is used to determine whether one has high self esteem or not, it is ALL based upon temporary criteria. It is all based upon things that happens in THIS life. It actually can fall into the (YES) category of sin the Word calls in 1 John 2:16 THE PRIDE OF LIFE.
Ah, you see, having 'high self esteem,' 'swag,' being a 'diva' ALL falls into the whole PRIDE OF LIFE thing. WHAT exactly IS the PRIDE OF LIFE?
It is the whole focus of people on living the best life NOW. It is the whole 'me-centered, what about my happiness, I want my destiny' mindset that permeates society more and more with each passing day.
The Pride of Life is that thing in YOU that drives you, pushes you, to be overly ambitious, competitive, willing to step over (and ON) any and everyone to get to the top.
The so called prosperity message is steeped in THE PRIDE OF LIFE. It is self seeking, prideful, driven, competitive, lacking compassion, selfish, diabolical.
But to get back to my own 'acceptance' of my lot in life...and lack of a struggle on the low self esteem/high self esteem seesaw, I didn't have low OR high self esteem. I would say it was a healthy, sober self esteem that GOD gave me.
The body image issues that other women seemed to struggle with I didn't have - not after having gained a significant amount of weight over a 20 year period. Not after many significant what others may call 'life failures.' Not after ministry failures, or natural disasters, or family problems....or two divorces.
You see, a healthy, sober self esteem recognizes where you TRULY are, who you TRULY are and is comfortable and fine with that. You realize that your self worth is not determined by ANYTHING in the natural, but by your 'relationship status' with the ONLY one who TRULY matters in your life...with GOD!
Over time, after having seen God work on my behalf and that of my family - over and over again - I developed a TRUST, a STRONG FAITH in God....knowing that no matter what came my way, that GOD WAS and IS IN CONTROL. And HE has us!
So that took the pressure off ME having to attain success....or me having to attain a certain type of body....or me having to elevate my social status or be overly concerned about what others thought of me.
THAT confidence does not come from a makeover. Or a job promotion. Or marrying into money. Or being elevated to another social class, or being a social butterfly, popular, pretty, well accepted, cheery, happy, or having a lot of friends.
THAT confidence comes from TRUSTING IN GOD...and IN HIM ALONE!
The Word tells us to be sober-minded.
When one has an over-inflated, unrealistic view of themselves, they walk around feeling entitled, like God-AND THE WORLD-owes them. They are feel they are owed success, happiness, money, prosperity, ministry, sex, drugs, education. They are so ME focused that they cannot develop faith in God, neither can they trust God, because it's ALL about THEM.
When they don't get what they want, they pout, and whine, they get angry, and they will do whatever it takes to get what THEY want. THAT is NOT being sober minded, nor is it trusting in GOD.
And when you don't TRUST GOD, you may develop mental illness...and become a threat to society.
The Word tells us to be sober-minded.
When one has an over-inflated, unrealistic view of themselves, they walk around feeling entitled, like God-AND THE WORLD-owes them. They are feel they are owed success, happiness, money, prosperity, ministry, sex, drugs, education. They are so ME focused that they cannot develop faith in God, neither can they trust God, because it's ALL about THEM.
When they don't get what they want, they pout, and whine, they get angry, and they will do whatever it takes to get what THEY want. THAT is NOT being sober minded, nor is it trusting in GOD.
And when you don't TRUST GOD, you may develop mental illness...and become a threat to society.
I share this not to brag or boast on myself...but I write this post because for the past ten years or so, I have noticed that the more we as a society push the high self esteem pill on others, the LESS confident this society has become...as a whole.
All of the things that high self esteem is supposed to remedy -according to psychologists - actually has made folks WORSE, in terms of the ability of people to cope with life challenges, their perception of themselves, a mass inability to deal with the reality of themselves -to face who they REALLY are - and others around them (lack of overrall discernment), the lack of love and compassion on themselves and others, the increase in the spirit of competition (in AND out of the church), the increase in suicides, familicides (murder of families), infanticides (murder of babies), murders in general and the ability to deal with life disappointments and failures.
I have also noticed that as society has gone on a mission to build the self esteem of others, the higher the rate of narcissism has been in people as a whole....
This has been because the focus has shifted OFF Jesus Christ of Nazareth as our hope, our way to cope with life and its challenges, we have failed to help people to see themselves as HE sees them, and not give a care about how ANYONE else views them!
High self esteem is the seed for narcissism.
Narcissism: Inordinate (uncontrolled, irregular) fascination with oneself; excessive self love; vanity; self centeredness.
We have a society of parents that don't chastise their kids, worship and idolize their kids, over praise them for doing things they are SUPPOSED to do (i.e. go to school, do chores, obey authority figures, etc.) in efforts to build high self esteem in kids. We now have parents that are plastering their kids' faces with tons of makeup, dressing them up like mini-adults, and entering them into beauty pageants at WAY too young of age...fostering vanity in these kids. We think nothing to dress a child up as a little adult, we make them participate in what is supposed to be recreational sports (for the purpose of them having fun)...and then we treat the whole activity like its the NFL Super Bowl....and then the kids are forced to play, to win, to outperform the other kids....why? To gain the love, acceptance and approval of over competitive parents!
Couple that with a societal mindset of 'not judging folks' and blaming others for our own personal failures, our fascination with body image, attaining the trappings of success and the over emphasis on class and social status in this society as we grow up....and instead of breeding and raising people with a healthy, realistic self esteem -one that is based upon who they are in CHRIST- we have raised a generation of self centered, narcissistic, selfish, uncompassionate, scared of failure, overly competitive, obsessed with their looks people!
The way to counter that is to teach people -preferably from birth- that they are to esteem OTHERS better than themselves. Teach people to have a servant's heart....get RID of competition....TOTALLY!
Teach kids to not be so focused on themselves. Get rid of all the perceptions and misconceptions we have instilled in kids about success....and failure....
Teach them that TRUE success is in how OBEDIENT they have been to GOD, and not man. Teach them that there TRULY is NO FAILURE in GOD...and that true success is not based upon how one looks, or what one has, or how others view that person.
Teach them that failure is NOT the end of the world. That they can always try again. Never give up. Have faith in God. Even unsaved folks...they may not have faith, per se, but they can believe that it is going to be OK. Teach people what REALLY counts in this life....
It is NOT what we have been taught!
High self esteem IS indeed overrated.
Philippians 2:3
Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves....
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