In Search of My 'Soul Mate' .... Online!

Ok.

I reluctantly broach this topic, only because it has really become a really OLD one.

BUT....I am doing it once more because there are SO many (christians/churchgoers) who are so hot in the pants, who cannot control their fleshly desires, that they get more on the prowl for a 'mate.'  They beg more than Keith Sweat!

When I speak out against christian 'dating sites' or meeting potential 'mates' online, many accuse me of 'hating.'  Or being bitter.  When nothing could be further from the truth!

I post most of what I post to WARN people of impending danger.  To educate.  To inform.  To share knowledge I have gained....by way of experience.

Unfortunately, I will admit....I met my ex husband through a 'christian dating site.'  One similar to Christian Mingle.  It was owned by 'apostolics,' so I really thought that it would be safe.  Apostolics are really strict and believe in 'holiness,' so I kind of let my guard down.

He claimed to be an associate pastor who was up for the pastorate of his church in the south.  He made grandiose promises of being a father to my kids, praised me as a beautiful woman of God, seemingly celebrated me and it looked like he was a GO!

So I moved 5 states over and eloped with this man after only 3 months!  He had GAME y'all!  He sent me preaching tapes of him.  Pictures of him and his children from a previous marriage.

My family was not very happy about it...my kids were not happy about moving and having a brand new 'dad' who they never met.

Let's just say I did NOT practice wisdom in this decision.  I acted prematurely, foolishly, dismissed all the warning signs that things were not right...why?

I understand what it is like for christians who are lonely and want a mate SO BAD, that they would do just about ANTYTHANG for one!  I was one of them! 'I would do anything for 'love,' as the song proclaims.

That marriage lasted ONE year....

To make a long story short, we were somewhat mislead into what to expect when we arrived at our new 'home.'  It was a significant downgrade to the home and job we left.  I made more money than this 'associate pastor.'  The church had like 15 people in it.  We moved to a very depressed part of the country.  HE was depressed, and had EXTREME baby mama's drama (I would later overhear a conversation he had with his ex-wife/babies mama that he was still in love with her!)

Then one day he just says, 'I apologize for marrying you...I only married you because I wanted to have sex with you.  We should have remained friends.  I repent to you and to God...'

Then he kicked me and my kids OUT of his house!

I won't get into what happened next because it DID involve cops and me reporting him to the local ministerial alliance.  They in turn helped me and my kids return home (because hubby didn't have money to send us home, not even money to put us up in a hotel).

It is kind of embarrassing, but I share this with you to say this to YOU.

Do NOT be so consumed with finding a mate that you lose your COMMON SENSE!

Especially in the so called 'christian' community, christians lose all common sense to be a part of the church community, even if being a part of the church community is dangerous to them.  They will continue 'being faithful' to their church.  They will endure abuse and injustices of all kinds, just so they can say 'I have a church home...'

Well, they tend to do the SAME thing in relationships/marriages.

Christians will dumb down to get into a relationship.  Then marry...so they won't be 'alone.'

I find the most common reason for this is that most christians simply do NOT know how to ABSTAIN from sex.  They really look at sex as a necessary a function as eating or drinking.  So called 'born again' believers are SO nasty, SO hot in the pants, SO driven by lust that they seek marriage NOT because it is the best thing for them at that time, but to quench their thirst for sex.

They figure if they go out and find a husband, find a wife, that they will be legal to have as much and as freaky of sex as they like.

I want to tell you that there are a crop of 'men of God' out there in the online community who are closet homosexuals, down low brothers, freaks, who have EXTENSIVE sex histories and some criminal backgrounds.

In an online setting, it is possible for someone to present only the best of who they are, and not the worst.  Which is an incomplete picture of who a person is.  They can only present half of the picture, when you need to see the WHOLE picture before making any commitments.

I have a SERIOUS problem with 'christian dating sites' as well as folks meeting up via Facebook, Twitter, Myspace or online at all.

The online setting...even such famous christian sites as Christian Mingle.com or eHarmony...are very misleading.  And the best of con men can beat the systems in place to present themselves as this wonderful person to the reps at the dating sites....

NO amount of testing, videos, emails, online exchanges, phone calls, Skyping, etc. can replace actually seeing a person face-to-face.  It is in those encounters you get to know who a person REALLY is, not who they present themselves to be.

And in the world we live in, there are a lot of predators...and they DEFINITELY DO exist within the so called 'christian community.  Many pimps, drug dealers, men fleeing the police and criminals will pretend to 'get saved' (jailhouse salvation) and then seek out nice 'christian' women who they KNOW will do whatever they say and comply with whatever bullcrap they lay down...because generally speaking, christian women are naive, nurturing, caring and are known to put up with a LOT of nonsense in order to keep their man/husband.

So who do YOU think they are going to seek out?

Let me share something with you...

The religious demon will work through these con artists who make grandiose claims of marrying you, putting you in ministry, helping you with ministry, being your covering, helping you launch a music career, or whatever it is you desire.

It will seem that the man you are with is an answer to prayer.  But you must understand something...there is such a thing as praying amiss.  Meaning you pray for what YOU DESIRE instead of what GOD wills for your life.

And you get what you pray for...thinking GOD answered your prayer, because you prayed for a man who is 6'2, 250, dark, handsome, anointed, funny, caring, responsible.  You even 'got specific' with God and told Him you wanted someone who live in such and such state, made this amount of money, had no kids, and was in ministry...

But THE DEVIL heard you pray that, too!

And the devil WILL send you a husband.  A wife.  IT IS TRUE!!!!!

And the sad thing is you won't know it until AFTER the wedding!

AFTER the honeymoon!

AFTER you had your first baby with him...

I thank God that it was revealed pretty quick into my marriage what I was dealing with, and that ultimately, GOD MADE A WAY OF ESCAPE.

I balk when I see folks on Facebook and Twitter whining about 'finding their soul mate.'  I shake my head because I understand that just by them announcing that the devil has ALREADY sent someone their way that fits the bill to a tee!

I know that the enemy has set up an intricate trap for them...and that they just MAY get what they pray for...MUCH TO THEIR DETRIMENT!!!!

We look online and see pictures posted of seemingly happy couples who met online.  Or relationship status updates that changed from single to in a relationship.  And the countenance of these people changes....they now all of a sudden get 'more holy' and God starts using them more...AFTER they got what they want!

BUT....

DID GOD GIVE HIM/HER TO THEM?

You see, the devil is a slickster.  He will use your desires against you.

I think it is the worst thing you can do is to advertise online you are looking for a soul mate.

All kinds of devils come out the woodwork.  The devil can transform himself into an angel of light, remember?

Sounds like God, looks like God, so you fall for it.

Again, I reiterate...this is not about me 'hating' on anyone.  This is a WARNING.

I care enough to WARN folks when I see danger.

The following is a story of a guy who frequented Christian Mingle.com:

Serial Rapist Sought Potential Rape Victims on Christian Mingle

And if you are looking for someone, DON'T advertise it!!!

Even if you are not online, stop walking around at work, at the store, in the mall, at school all needy like, got that look on your face and carry yourself like 'Oh, Please! I'm so lonely.  I so desperately need a man, a woman...'  STOP IT!

IF God has someone for you, they won't play games.  They will be honest and real.  And you won't have to advertise a thing.  Even you men, you say 'Well, how will I find my good thing if I dont let it be known I'm looking?'

You won't have to.  You will be going about your business as usual and BAM!  She will appear.

Looking needy and desperate makes you vulnerable.  And people WILL use vulnerability against you.

So...STOP SEARCHING ONLINE FOR A SOUL MATE!

THAT IS DANGEROUS!

YOU ARE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR A FALL!

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Other great posts on this topic:

When the Enemy Sends A Husband, Part 1

Tell Mr. Potential to STEP OFF!

Marriages NOT Made in Heaven