Friday, December 07, 2012

Fox News Host Says Domestic Violence Victim May Be To Blame For Own Demise


Dana Perino-former White House Press Secretary who now hosts Fox show 'The Five'-makes a very controversial comment at the end of the above video in a discussion about the NFL Linebacker Belcher/Perkins' Murder/Suicide:

PERINO:  I think it skirts the issue that women are victims of violence all the time--

CO-HOST:  They should have guns!

PERINO:  Well, maybe, or make better decisions...




There are some people that are taking serious issue with her statement, claiming that she is blaming the victim.  There are some who are concerned that the whole focus on Belcher as a victim of a history of head injuries incurred as an NFL linebacker, as well as someone who had to take many pain medications in treatment of those injuries..they are concerned that all of that is overshadowing the senseless murder of a young woman....in front of his mother nonetheless!

I totally agree with what Perino says here about women taking responsibility for making BETTER CHOICES as it pertains to relationships.

In an attempt to advocate for women/children who are abused, society has now created this culture that actually enables people to STAY victims.  It helps a woman to make poor choices, promising subsidy or some form of way of escape for a woman who just haphazardly enters into a relationship with a man.

LADIES, LISTEN.

ESPECIALLY in the church/religious culture, this culture will enable you to enter into and sustain relationships with men who are NOT well.  And for whatever reason, when a woman finds out the men she loves is not well, instead of getting out of dodge-or recognizing the signs early on-a woman will decide to stick it out with a psycho.  YES, I SAID A PSYCHO!

THAT, MY DEAR, IS A POOR CHOICE!!!!!!!!

That is NOT love, nor commitment, nor standing by your man.  THAT is NOT a sign of strength when you decide to stick with a man who you have seen early on has ISSUES.  But you stay with him because he's your baby's daddy, or he knows how to make you holler in bed, or he pays the bills!
One of the sure fire ways you keep a victim a victim is to take their ability to make WISE CHOICES away from them.  It is to keep them blaming the other parties for what they do.  

The truth of the matter is someone who stays in an abusive relationship is JUST AS SICK as the abuser!!!!!!!!!

What we as a society have to teach our ladies is that it is ok to make a mistake, and WALK AWAY from a mistake.  Learn from it and MOVE ON!  

We have to teach ladies HOW to make WISE choices!

The only way I know to make wise choices is to be INFORMED!  Don't walk into ANY RELATIONSHIP not knowing who you are getting involved with.  Find out their past.  Learn as much as you can about their families.  Do a background check.  

Don't be in such a rush to be in a relationship that you just rush in.

Don't be so quick to open your legs.  Sex for a woman is a powerful thing...and will keep her more wanting a no good man than any other factor.  That...and how much money he makes.

This young lady saw a chance to have something.  I'm sure she saw the signs that Belcher was not well.  But she opened her legs, got pregnant.  Then she realized she was in for trouble, which is why the relationship started going sour.  

Its hard to place blame on the victim...but the victim in these situations are almost always partly to blame.  

They unconciously attract the wrong type of men into their lives.  Then they mistakenly do whatever they can to stay with him.  

The following are signs that you have a potential abuser on your hands:


  • Angry: Swears all the time; road rage; outbursts towards relatives, co-workers, etc.
  • Jealous Behavior: Jealous of anyone in your life; thinks you are always cheating on him; jealous of your success
  • Possessive Behavior: he wants all your attention; threatened by other obligations/relationships in your life
  • Controlling Behavior: doesn't want you to have other relationships; controls every aspect of your life-or attempts to; sets himself up to be your savior
  • Violent Behavior: hitting walls, throwing things, attacks on other people and/or pets
  • Addictive Behaviors:  Those who have addictions almost always end up being abusive. Smoking pot or drinking with a man on a continual basis is a recipe for disaster!
  • Doesn't take responsibility for his own mistakes; plays the blame game...a lot
  • They always feel like someone owes them something; they will have emotional or angry outbursts if they don't get their way....an adult temper tantrum, basically
A GREAT article that every woman should read is "Are You Dating An Abuser?"

The above traits I listed are behaviors I have seen firsthand in relationships I have had in the past with abusive men.  I can honestly say...I MADE BAD CHOICES when picking each of my abusers.  Some of life's lessons come very hard.  I blame no one for my mistakes.  But I learn from them...and hope YOU will learn, too, from my mistakes.  

Nowadays, an abuser can mask abusive tendencies VERY well...from relatives, co-workers, church, fellow clergymen (in the case of preachers abusing their wives), the legal system, etc.  This is why we see a tendency for more and more first time abusers who just outright killed their wife/girlfriend....the abuser had been able to fool everyone around them-including the victim-and it didn't come out until someone killed someone.

It is imperative that we INFORM as many as possible of the signs of an abusive person.  THIS WAY people can make BETTER CHOICES, empowered to set boundaries and, if necessary, WALK AWAY from anyone who doesn't treat or love in a healthy, mature way.


Also, years back, I wrote a blog for women who are looking for a way out of an abusive relationship.  It is a bit long...but I think it may be worth your time.

http://detoxedfromchurchanity4real.blogspot.com/2006_10_01_archive.html

Instead of jumping down Perino's throat, I think she is to be commended for making a BOLD, TRUE statement.  

KUDOS to you, Dana Perino!

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