♥ 2 ♥: Mothers, Your Kids Need HELP (for the Newtown Kids)

Ok. 

The Newtown Massacre of 20 children a few days ago is still fresh in all our minds and on our hearts.  There is not one mother, not one parent, whose heart does not break, or even who does not even shed a tear, over this horrendous tragedy.

After getting over the shock of the murders, my mind went immediately to the parents of Adam Lanza.  The mother, in particular.  I empathized with her because she was a single mother of a mentally ill kid.  Even though she had money, resources, Adam's father was involved with him...and I myself have none of those resources available to me...and I myself know the struggle of raising troubled kids.

To protect the privacy of my children, all I will share is that at one point in their lives, my children had to deal with some form of mental illness, even a learning disability.  I have not had the opportunity to have a father who was actively involved in my kids' lives, neither have I had the support and resources that Nancy had.  

According to the following article, Nancy was living off hundreds of thousands of dollars in alimony and child support.  Peter Lanza, Adam's father, is a VP at a major corporation.  This family had all the money in the WORLD...enough money to get Adam the help he obviously so desperately needed.  

"Nancy Lanza Feared Son..."

"Adam Lanza Was A Deeply Disturbed Kid..."

Yet with all our limitations, none of my kids has gone out here and murdered 20 kids.  My kids have adjusted well and/or dealing with their issues, by the grace and power of God.  I can admit, some of my ways of dealing with the issues has seemed tough...an act of tough love.  But I did what GOD instructed me to do, and it is working well for us.

I guess the point of my blog today is to question some parents about the choices they make, in particular, as it pertains to their kids.  

Ok.  

When I look at this picture, I see a troubled kid.  If my son went to school with this kid, I would instruct my son to steer clear of this young man.  Look at his affect:  he is looking down, unable to look in the eyes, disconnected.  That's the perception I get JUST from looking at this picture!

Now, I understand.  As a mom, we all want to think that our kids are angels, even if they are, in actuality, demons.  We fall in love with our kids the moment they are birthed into the earth.  The moment the doctor places the bundle of joy on our breasts after we have pushed them out our wombs, we fall in love with this seemingly perfect little angel.  

Our hearts melt and from that moment on, there is absolutely NOTHING we wouldn't do for our kids!

And I guess, that is normal.  We are supposed to love our children.  That maternal instinct to nurture and take care of our young is supposed to kick in at the moment of birth.  

But when that romanticizing of our kids last until they are adults, so much so that we can't see the forest from the trees, til we are in straight up denial about our kids when issues (may) come up.

This past summer, I met a really nice lady who generously offered us a ride to a (christian) overnight camp facility here on the East Coast.  We were given each other's contact information and coordinated the whole ride thing through the camp director.  

On the ride to the camp, I began to discover that the lady's 12 year old son was, well, a little off.  He sat near my son in the mini van and he just couldn't keep his hands to himself, he was always touching in my son's face, and he just couldn't respect my son's boundaries.  After awhile, my son tells me 'Mom!' to get my attention and that's when I looked in the back seat and saw what was going on.  My first instinct, of course, was to just tell the little boy to STOP, but I was riding in THEIR car, so I had to be really tactful.

The mother saw the very annoyed look I had on my face and began to explain to me that her adopted son had a form of autism and apologized.  She began to say how wonderful a kid he was and that, despite his obvious behavioral problems, he was a really sweet kid that meant no harm.  She told me of the difficulties she had with him, since birth.  How he couldn't function at school.  How he got on everybody's nerves, even kids his own age.  

She confided in me of the moment she got him at the hospital as a baby.  She teared up talking about.  It was obvious this white woman who so graciously allowed us to ride with her LOVED this little biracial adopted son of hers.  

When we arrived at the camp, I began to notice as I was checking my son in that this little boy indeed got on everybody's nerves!  Slapping peoples' heads, running, trying to tackle all the fellow campers he hadn't seen since the previous summer, laughing loudly and uncontrollably....

I felt really bad for this mother and father.  They had done all they can to provide this child who had no parents with a loving, safe home.  A decent life.  But he was a HANDFUL!  

When I picked up my son from camp the following week, my son began to share with me JUST how annoying this young boy was.  He told me countless stories of how this young boy got on everyone's nerves, how even the camp staffers at some point seemed overwhelmed with trying to give this obviously challenged young boy the attention he so craved.  

Now, I don't mean to sound like I'm discriminating against kids with autism or disabilities.  I qualified this whole thing by sharing my own struggles as a single mom of challenged kids.  BUT I also have a testimony (God is still working it out, btw) of GOD working it all out....

BUT...in order for God to begin to work it out, to help with these kids, I had to SNAP out of it.  Come to the realization that HEY, there IS a problem.  Then I had to ask GOD to give me WISDOM on how to deal with the problem.  I did not have the luxury (the money, the support, the resources, etc) to be in denial or to romanticize about my kids.  I had to face it HEAD ON, see the whole thing for exactly what it is.

AND I had to practice precautionary and safety measures, at some point.  (There's that wisdom thing kicking in again!)

With that being said, I have to raise my eyebrow at Nancy Lanza.  

The article above gives us insight onto what type of woman Nancy was.  

First, this single mother who had all money could buy frequented bars.  She was an avid gun collector....and not only that, she brought her YOUNG SON to the firing range to teach him how to fire arms!!!!

NOW....

THAT WAS NOT WISDOM!

WHY would a mother ever place a gun in the hands of a mentally disturbed child?  WHY would she go as far as to teach him how to fire a weapon????  

I just keep picturing that little boy who went to camp this past summer with my son with a gun.  NOT a pretty picture!

Im a sharpshooter myself, but would NEVER teach a child to fire a weapon, ESPECIALLY a child with head issues.  

Look at that picture of Adam again.  

Does he LOOK LIKE a kid who should have EVER had access to weapons in the first place????????????????

I can tell you what happened:

There are some mothers who are SO in love with their kids that they cannot see the forest from the trees regarding their kids.

When they see their 20 year old disturbed son, all they see is the precious little baby boy they brought home from the hospital...NOT the mentally challenged, disturbed, somewhat dimented young man that stands before them!

And Nancy was seriously deluded.

She was a teacher, so I take it she was smart.  She could have plugged into resources for her son, if need be.  Some of those resources may have involved institutionalizing Adam, imprisoning him, locking him away, so he could have gotten the help he needed.

He couldn't feel pain????????  What the??????

I know that there is this trend thats taken place in the past 20 years or so, where society has wanted to assimilate the mentally ill into mainstream society with the general public.  Forbidding opportunities at housing, employment, education, etc. to those who are mentally challenged in most of the country is now prohibited by the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act).

And while I think that is a wonderful idea for those who are JUST disabled PHYSICALLY, I DO think that whole thing needs to be rethought as it pertains to those who are MENTALLY challenged.

Why?

Well, because, as we have noticed for this past year especially, there has been a STARK increase in the amounts of murders by people who were mentally ill to some capacity.  And since this country has done a really poor job of researching and treating mental illness, we SHOULD NOT grant total rights and privileges to those who we even SUSPECT are mentally challenged, because we don't know to what extent their mental illness lies.

In other words, there is a broad spectrum to the mental illness triangle.  Some are slightly mentally ill, while others are psychopaths and sociopaths, a danger to themselves AND to others around them.

Mental illness transcends race, culture, class, OR religion.  NO one is immune from it.  There ARE no vaccinations from getting mentally ill.  Some are born with a proclivity and a vulnerability towards developing mental illness, while others develop mental illness later on in life, due to life challenges they face along the way.  And a lack of effective coping mechanisms to deal with life.

Mothers, we know our kids better than ANYONE ELSE.  Better than teachers, better than social workers, better than the police or the judge.  EVEN better than their peers and friends or associates.

WE NEED TO WAKE UP and TAKE OUR HEADS OUT OF THE SAND!

IF YOU HAVE A CHILD WHO IS MENTALLY CHALLENGED, DO NOT BE ASHAMED.  DO NOT HIDE YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND.  DO NOT PROJECT THAT CHILDS' ISSUES AND BLAME THE EDUCATION SYSTEM, OR PEERS, OR ANYONE ELSE.

SIMPLY GET HELP FOR YOUR BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If it involves calling child protective services YOURSELF to get help, GET HELP.

If it involves calling the police and getting them into the system (because, unfortunately, that is the only way many are going to be treated is if they FIRST get into 'the system), THEN GET HELP.

If it involves locking your child up because he is a danger to himself, to you or to others, yes, you love your child, but you love your child ENOUGH to lock him up so he can get the HELP HE/SHE NEEDS!

If you have a mentally challenged child, your life is no longer your own.  You don't have the luxury of being a gun collector, or smoking weed to cope, or drinking the problem away.  YOUR CHILD NEEDS YOUR HELP!!!!

You cannot worry about what the Joneses are going to say.  Im sure Nancy was worried about what the Joneses up there in Newtown would say....and now she, Adam and 26 more people are gone because she would not REACH OUT and GET HELP!

I'm not writing this to hurt anyone, or put anyone down.  I am writing this as a mother.  A mother who has children herself, who understands, and who is TIRED of seeing the carnage!

We as a society can no longer turn the other way and pretend like we don't see what we DO SEE.

NOW.........DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!